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I knew I wasn't in control. I woke up every morning, tired and listless. I didn't feel any sense of purpose, like I was just going through the motions, because nothing really mattered anymore.I wasn't even getting horny anymore. I hadn't even bothered to masturbate since before I went home for Winter Break. I didn't feel despondent or suicidal, nothing like that. I wasn't happy, and I didn't really care that much about my lack of happiness. I didn't care, period.I sent Lisa an email, letting her know that I'd decided that Vermont wasn't for me. I told her that I'd probably be coming home, just as soon as school let out at the end of May. I didn't mention my plan to enroll at State, and didn't write about anything personal changing between us. She emailed me the following morning:"YOU BETTER FUCKING CALL ME! AS SOON AS YOU GET HOME."I smiled as I read her message. For the first time in months, I started having some real hope that things would improve for me.In spite of any personal. This lasted about another 3 months, in various combinations. It kind of fizzled out but my mate and I continued to play for years after that. Once or twice I successfully cracked on to my sister again for a sporadic session but the last year or two of my crazy sex life was just me and my mate.One final twist and incredible experience was when I found a home-made sex tape in my parents’ bedroom. For the first time I didn’t have to imagine my mum having sex or using her vibrators, because it was all on tape! And it was dirty too. Seeing her masturbate, fuck herself with her vibrators and suck off and fuck my dad was unbelievable. But watching her pissing on the floor of the bathroom and letting my dad stick a small vibrator up her ass was a whole new level.It was so hot I had to share it. I knew my mate would go crazy over it, so I showed him an edited version with as little of my dad as possible. I didn’t want to betray my dad by exposing his private life, but my mum was too hot to.
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